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Post Info TOPIC: part of chapter one of a new story by KIL


Moonlight mod

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Posts: 17228
Date: Dec 7, 2006
part of chapter one of a new story by KIL


this is only about half or even less then that of this chapter, i just wanted to know what everyone thinks of it so far


 


 


 Chapter 1


 


Once upon a winter night.


 


 


It was a clear, cold winter night, and the full moon shown down upon a cozy little valley that was covered in pure white snow, tall trees, and faint shadows. Rays of moonlight reflected off the snowfield, causing everything to shimmer like a sheet of diamonds. The boughs of the tall pines were weighted down with a thick, white blanket and the bare branches of the aspens looked like fingers reaching towards the night sky. Scattered under the trees were the bare undergrowth of bushes covered in snow and frost. The wind was but a whisper across the peaceful landscape. Everything was at rest, patiently waiting out the cold winter night. 


 


At one end of the valley a wisp of smoke rose from the chimney of a quaint little cabin. A new, dark green Hummer was parked outside the cabin, and there was a small pile of chopped wood stacked next to the door of the cabin. On the other side of the door sat a child’s sled. The snow around the house was packed down with footprints and sled trails.


A soft glow of light was shining through a single, square window and the sound of laughter could be heard coming from the cabin. Inside, a fire blaze in the hearth and a family of three was sitting at a round table, playing a board game. A little girl of about 7 sat between her parents at the table, giggling and laughing as they played. Her parents smiled to each other and looked at their child with happiness and love clear on their faces. All of them were so happy, so content, and yet so unaware of the danger lurking outside in the night.


 


A few miles away at the opposite end of the valley a tall, dark figure moved silently through the serene landscape, leaving no trace of its self behind, not even a footprint in the deep snow. The figure came to a stop and tilted its head back until the dark hood of its cloak fell away. As the hood fell back, the moon cast its light over a face that was pure male. There was a slight smile on his lips and his eyes were closed as he stood there motionless, simply enjoying to night. He had very strong, distinct, almost ancient features. His wavy black hair swept gently against his collar in the slight breeze that had starting to pick up. He was tall; at least 6’ 3’’ and an air of power surrounded him like the cloak he wore. His entire appearance was totally confident, totally male.



He stayed like that for a minute, just standing there under the moonlight, savoring the simple pleasure the full moon on a winter night could bring. Still basking under the glow of the moon he inhaled a deep breath, enjoying the pure, clean scent of winter. He loved how the air smelled in the winter; so clean and revitalizing. But tonight there was a foreign smell in the air. The aroma was not one of a winter night. It was the scent of something human; smoke. He shook his head in disbelief, not even here could he escape from humanity. With a quiet sigh he lowered his head, lifted his hood back up to keep the wind out and continued walking.



-- Edited by KateisLost at 23:44, 2006-12-07

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"Gamers don't sleep. They just nap between levels."

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Posts: 14814
Date: Dec 7, 2006

I like the style you are using for this. The discriptions of the area, and the family are cool. The discription of the guy...maybe not use the MALE statement 2 times in the same paragraph, but it does a good job of giving you a image in your mind.


Keep up the good work



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Moonlight mod

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Posts: 17228
Date: Dec 7, 2006

snootch2danootch wrote:



I like the style you are using for this. The discriptions of the area, and the family are cool. The discription of the guy...maybe not use the MALE statement 2 times in the same paragraph, but it does a good job of giving you a image in your mind.


Keep up the good work




thanks Snootch i will try to fix that

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It Doesn't Matter Who We Were Before ...

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Posts: 16543
Date: Dec 7, 2006

I agree. The dewcriptions are very nice, and kinda gives you that expectation of creepiness ahead. I had a bit of trouble with the change between the it figure abruptly becoming a he.

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Moonlight mod

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Posts: 17228
Date: Dec 8, 2006

LionQueen wrote:


I agree. The dewcriptions are very nice, and kinda gives you that expectation of creepiness ahead. I had a bit of trouble with the change between the it figure abruptly becoming a he.


any idea how i could fix that?

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It Doesn't Matter Who We Were Before ...

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Posts: 16543
Date: Jul 10, 2007

I never noticed this before, but you wrote this like one day after my father died and I was seven at the time. They found him on the 7th I believe. That is so weird.

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